Just a Word

I’ve been sitting on this writing for two months, unsure of how to say it. It’s hard because it’s complex. It’s painful because it touches painful events that are not healed. It’s difficult because it involves the complex web of life that seems to just be my wyrd. But this needs to be said.

If you follow along on social media, you have seen a big drop in activity. I do not have any temple services or rune reading sessions posted, my calendar is empty. I did not leave or give up. I’m here, I’m spooky and I’m not leaving. However, I am focusing my work on myself right now. A friend of mine has a practice of choosing a word for the year. I’ve adapted this for the same reason she has, it resonates more than resolutions do. My word for 2024 is “Self.”  I am exiting leadership mode to enter full on student mode. Any decent leader will tell you that you’re ALWAYS in student mode… and… sometimes we need to be full-on student. Working with my mentors and a therapist, as well as my spirits and divination tools. I have decided to lean in on lessons in this season of life and not be a provider. It’s hard to swallow that.

I recently went to a group of mentors and like-minded individuals asking how have they coped with the guilt of not doing something we know we’re fully capable of doing?  One of them replied saying that no matter how much work we do, the need will always be greater. We care about our communities but like the oxygen mask on an airplane, we have to put ours on first before we help anyone else. Right now, I need to breathe. I will, at some point, be back in the saddle running services, rituals and serving the community at large. Right now is not that time.

Last year was probably the craziest year of my life. Right out the gate, 2023 came swinging with what I now can acknowledge as very hard lessons to learn. I was hurt by other’s actions, others were hurt by my actions, some of us have worked together and through it, others have not. What did occur through ordeals last year was that I’ve finally noticed the need for some life lessons. I have found the past few months that I cannot lead and learn these lessons at the same time. Learning them takes all my spoons and until I have worked through and learned how to apply them, I cannot be the full leader that my community deserves. It feels weird, it feels selfish and it feels wrong emotionally. However, logically and spiritually I know it’s true. Right now, I cannot be the leader that those around me need me to be and I am leaning in fully to these life lessons.

So, I’m not leading temple services, I am not offering readings, I am not leading public rituals, I am not teaching classes. This is why my calendar is empty and will be for some time.  I will still post my 2024 spring cleanse, simply because I do it for self as is and all of these wonderful posts are edited and the site is maintained by my wonderful assistant, also know as my husband.
Beyond that, I’ll see y’all on the flipside of healing, learning and growth. I will be stronger and more capable than ever.